Sooo...

...the last post I wrote had to do with me struggling a little bit with my body image...with my metabolism starting to slow down ever so slightly, and toning up coming only after much more effort than previously required.

Less than a week later I found out I was KNOCKED UP! Well that explains that! Here's a rundown on the chain of events leading up to now:

I was late. It's happened before...2 days, a week... So I tried not to think about it. That didn't work. It was Wednesday, I was off because I had to work the weekend. I told myself "just wait until the weekend is over...if its going to be positive today, it'll be positive Monday, & I can wait a few more days.". WRONG. It's ALL I could think about. So I decided if I hadn't started Thursday, I'd take a test. Even if it's negative, at least I'll know, & I won't be obsessing ove it all weekend. Thursday. Still late. Bought test. Held my pee as long as I could & drank coke thinking if I could get my urine really concentrated, I'd get a more accurate result. Pee. Faint blue line. I showed Daniel. Despite my telling him the fact that he can see a line means its positive, he wasn't convinced because my blue line wasn't as dark as the other blue line. Silly boy. Then he went to work out in the garage for the next few hours. When I asked him if he was ok, he said he was really excited but felt like he needed time to think about what he had done. HA!

Sharing the news with our family was so much fun! I wish we could spread joy like that everyday. We had an ultrasound between 6 & 7 weeks. I prayed. I thanked God for the joy I'd been blessed to have for those few short weeks, & reminded myself that if there was no heartbeat, I would end up being ok. Sometimes they can't hear the heartbeat that early. Sometimes women miscarry early on because the egg didn't attach. It didn't mean things wouldn't be normal in the future. I prayed for peace whether we saw/heard or not. Then we saw, & we heard, & I thanked the Lord for that day. For sight and sound and proof of existence.

We are taught to surrender everything to God; He wants us to completely depend on Him. I understand that now...because I have NO CONTROL in this. This is His life that He has blessed me to carry. So I've prayed more than I EVER have in my life. Every morning I thank Him for one more day to carry this life. Every night I thank Him for getting me through each day. Every time I pee I thank Him for no blood (I'm not kidding...every time). Every wave of nausea, sore boobs, lack of energy...i thank Him for any little sign of normalcy. I'm excited to feel the spiritual growth I'm experiencing.

I'm 10 weeks now. We were able to hear that little heartbeat again today. The dr said my uterus was growing like crazy, & he was happy with the little belly popping out of me. I'm really trying to embrace the changes my body is experiencing, remembering I have a LONG way to go...times that will not be so comfortable & easy to enjoy. But I know it will all be worth it in the end :)

Is there a downside? I feel pretty bad for Daniel dealing with my mood swings. After 9-10 pm I turn into a crazy person. I do my best to apologize to him & remind him that it's the hormones talking...not me :) also, sometimes others' excitement is overwhelming (namely my dad who is über emotional & sometimes my mother in law who is ready telling my dogs not to lick the baby...ugh). All just reminders that we, along with this new life, are loved so much.

::feeling so blessed::